“Q”: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
I been with my man for 7 years. We weren't official until year 4; after I told him I had sex with another man when I was on a work trip (It was Vegas & we faught before I departed making me EXTRA single). He rejected all my boyfriend requests but changed his mind after Vegas. 3 years after we became official, I still struggle to ask for gifts on my birthday (which was March 30, thus the root cause of this discussion) but I try to be understanding cause I know his situation is shaky and his cash flow is inconsistent. But why do I continue to make an effort to make him special on his bday or any other day? Why do I expect him to give me bday gifts without having say what I want? Why am I disappointed with his lack of effort and my over efforts?
***Full disclosure, we dont live together, I dont cook for him, nor do I do his laundry or any other sexist wife duty shit. He's a chill, calm person who doesn't have issues asking for help, from anyone. But if I ask for something materialistic (once every 3 years), he does his best to deliver but tbh I make double what he makes so I don't care about those kind of gifts but I still feel like I'm unsatisfied.***
Am I ungrateful & delusional or desperate & dickmatized (cause it's good when actually get to do it)?
“A”: Sis, to be completely honest, there is NOTHING wrong with you. There is however something wrong with your way of thinking!! And when I say that, I mean you thinking you’re asking for too much or being afraid to ask for what your heart desires or hell thinking that you don’t deserve what your heart desires is absolutely WRONG!!! You are a queen that deserves the EFFORTS from a King!!
I understand he may not have the luxury of financial freedom, BUT effort doesn’t cost money! Making you feel desired and appreciated cost little to nothing and I NEED FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT!!!
You feel unsatisfied because YOU ARE!!! and not only that, you are with someone who is NOT doing his BEST to satisfy you. He seems to just be going through the motions because doing the bare minimum has not only gotten him this far in life, but it has gotten him YOU!!! (someone in my opinion he doesn’t deserve)
You said it yourself, you can provide financially and it’s not sooo much about the money, which means it’s about him failing to do the BARE MINIMUM; which is unacceptable!! You’ve got to realize that you are what you allow and if you don’t raise your expectations and demand more for yourself, then you’ll continue to feel unsatisfied. YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH, yet you’re dealing with someone that doesn’t…. Soooo you’re stuck in this feeling because you know better! and since you know better, I need for you to do better!
I know you guys have a lot of history and that isn’t the easiest to let go of, so I would suggest having an honest conversation with him. WRITE IT DOWN before hand sooo you don’t forget!! But go to him and tell him exactly what is on your mind! Tell him what you need from him! Tell him how you feel and ask him if this is something that he is willing to work on…Give him one last chance to let him show and prove himself! annnddd if he MAKES THE CHOICE to remain the same, it’s up to you to show up for yourself and let go…
Like I said, I know it will be hard, and no one likes being alone, but what’s the point of living an unsatisfied life or being with someone and still feeling alone and misunderstood?? IT’S POINTLESS and a waste of time! Time you honestly don’t have.
Why wake up 20 years from now and realize your worth when you could do it now and live the life you deserve to live??? I don’t even know you, but I know I don’t want that life for you, so you shouldn’t want the life either.
YOU ARE NOT WRONG FOR WANTING MORE! and don’t let him make you feel like you are! If he can’t get right, he needs to get left…..
