HOPELESSLY CONSTIPATED

Q: There’s this man I’m interested in and he’s traumatized from his last relationship because she played the dog 💩 out of him. We’ve dated, but I wasn’t feeling the energy the way I needed it to be. He’s a very cool guy and I cut him off and told him if or when he’s ready for something serious and If I’m still interested, holla at me.
-He invited me out on a date next week and I want to go but idk if I’m wasting my time. should I not get my hopes up and just go ?-

“A”: My first response would be to say no, don’t go because who has time to waste on people who aren’t trying to be serious especially when there are other people out here willing to be everything you want and need. I’m a firm believer that once someone shows you who they are, believe them and he has shown you who he is and what he can handle at this point in his life. BUT being serious and hard all the time is really hard and ultimately causes mental and spiritual constipation. You just feel stuck inside a compressed cycle of unhappiness and frustration; trying to force relief, all of which you don’t deserve.

Which is why you should absolutely NOT get your hopes up, considering you know who this man is and how stuck in his ways he can be! Let me remind you that a date, while it may feel good, does not constitute him being ready to be what you need. It is merely an experience and I think you should, absolutely go because aside from everything you have endured through this roller coaster, you are still a person who deserves a laugh or two. Meaning

MAKE IT LESS ABOUT HIM AND MORE ABOUT YOU

You are still a person who deserves to experience life and be treated to a date night out on the town. So when you go, think of it just like that, two people grabbing a bite to eat, spending time catching up and having a good time. If nothing else you are a woman being treated as you should be by a man that’s it. I mean you and I both know how life can be lonely and hard enough, so don’t force yourself into isolation because someone else continues to allow their past to plague them. Don’t be like him, be better! You know who he is, see him for that, NOT WHO YOU WANT HIM TO BE, accept it and move accordingly..

I would even encourage you to SIMPLIFY IT! As in refrain from calling it a “date,” because you’re definitely putting more pressure on yourself and getting your hopes up when it’s literally just 2 people getting together to catch up. So go and EXUDE confidence. Show him your smile and let him hear your laugh. Let him see what life is like with you and how amazing you are and MOST IMPORTANTLY, maintain your composure.

I say that because revisiting old flames can either blaze a new trail in a better direction OR literally burn down all the self work you have done to build yourself up after they burned you in the past. (speaking from experience) So regardless of however you may feel during this “experience”, you are able to take it for what it is and not drown in the hope of him being or not being.

Like you said, he is a man and men know what they want. If he wants you, he will show you and this “experience”, will just serve as the beginning of what’s to come, if in fact he is ready to be the man you need and want him to be.

YOU ARE VERY MUCH THAT GIRL! GO BE HER!

Remember as you’re experiencing, not to get your hopes up because it is on him to restore your hope in him and I promise you that if he wants to, no matter his past, he will….

You are loved because I love you, XOXO Qri.